He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
