You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
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