Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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