I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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