Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
