Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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