YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
