from now on my penis is your penis
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
