Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
