I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
