my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
