Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
