I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
