my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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