she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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