Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
