Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
