i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
