direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
