we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Randomize
