You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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