I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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