I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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