someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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