Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
