I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
