I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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