The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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