He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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