Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
