my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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