Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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