is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
