I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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