So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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