An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
