god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
