if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
