i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
