He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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