so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
