How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
