Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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