i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
