So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
