Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
