I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
