Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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