sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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