Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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