Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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